Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Chocolate is the cure for winter blues

Photo by Windell Oskay

Aren't we all sick of winter and want to feel better?

I've known about the connection between chocolate and feeling good for awhile now. In 2004, I wrote the article Chocolate, food of the gods, symbol of love after interviewing Jordan Le Bel, aka @DoctorPleasure, the pleasure specialist

Chocolate has been good to Doctor Pleasure -- he is now also the director of the Executive MBA Program, John-Molson School of Business. Check out his recipe for chocolate pudding. Divine!

I'm sure he'll be attending the Je t’aime en chocolat! this weekend at the Bonsecours Market in Old Montreal. There's going to be chocolate demos, taste testing and even a chocolate fashion show. 

And it's all free!!!! 

Let's enjoy it while we can. According to experts, we are facing a chocolate shortage. Yikes. 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

New Year Resolutions 2015

In 2015 I resolve:
  • to work smarter not harder
  • dream bigger but with my feet on the ground
  • merge expectations with reality
  • take more calculated risks despite my bad math skills
  • leave paranoia behind
  • embrace creativity and innovation
  • spread positive vibes and support
And if all else falls I will use my back-up resolution that works every year: Drink Pinot Noir from every country.

All the best in 2015!

Friday, October 31, 2014

When no one realizes you have dressed up for Halloween

This is how I went to school. I brought brownies as part of the costume but only the teachers got it. Most of the visual arts students didn't realize I had dressed up. Some of the theatre students figured it out and asked if we got smoke the spliff at break?!?

You know you are old when you old wardrobe is considered vintage. Yes, I actually did willing wear this shirt.

I am also worrying that I am starting to look like Willie Nelson. (see picture below @ 8:15 am this morning)

Happy Halloween, MAN.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Elevators & bathrooms may trigger Pistorius-Rice syndrome

Psitorius obviously suffering fear & anxiety
I  am a walking time bomb.
I may have Oscar Pistorius syndrome.
It appears to be brought on by "the effect of the slow burn of insecurities over many years."
It hits suddenly causing you to kill loved ones while sitting on the toilet.
One day you can be competing fiercely in Olympic games while the whole world watches you either win or lose.
The next day you can be a crumbling mess on the toilet and need a gun to protect yourself.
I imagine it can also hit while you are taking a shower or while shaving.

Rice: Insecure due to his small physique
Further investigation may reveal that the Ray Rice syndrome is the same disease.
Onset appears to be triggered by elevator music.
It too is sudden and unexpected.
One day you can be competing fiercely against huge football players while the whole world watches you either win or lose.
Then the next day you are a quivering mess of fear on an elevator and must punch your wife unconscious to protect yourself.

More research is needed to pinpoint when the virus is contracted and who is most vulnerable.
Does it only affect man-babies with too much money or is anyone insecure in danger of contracting this mysterious disease?
Are bathrooms and elevators a trigger? Do we need to start disinfecting them before man-babies use them? 
If you believe you are in danger of contracting this terrible disease hire an over-priced lawyer immediately.

Monday, September 1, 2014

The cloud is not a private entity

Why do you need the FBI to investigate someone hacking into the cloud and stealing naked pics of Jennifer Lawrence to share on the Internet?? Isn't it obvious? The cloud is the grid. The cloud is public. The cloud is hackable. Girls, if you put private shit on the cloud then you lose control over it. Keep the things you don't want anyone to see in your house. Harder to break into your house than into the cloud.

Friday, August 29, 2014

My Quebec City Guide is live

My Quebec City Guide is live. Check out the guide. Let me know what you think. Does it make you want to go??

My favourite section: Things to Do. It was fun creating the list and my favourite activity is going off to the Old Prison of Trois-Rivières where Orange est le nouveau noir.

Here's an excerpt from the restaurant section:
Quebec’s European connections are never more obvious than when it comes to dining. Quebeckers actively support their farmers and take pride in terroir products (local products). Quebec City and the surrounding area have gained international recognition for its innovative chefs creating superb cuisine with regional flavours. Whether it’s a small eatery or fine dining salon, dining is always an experience to savour.

Put Quebec City on your bucket list. Wonderful part of Canada.

Monday, August 4, 2014

My garden explained to my neighbour

Dear anal-retentive neighbour:
What I have growing in my garden are called f-l-o-w-e-r-s. I know you don’t have any on your lawn so are probably not familiar with their purpose in the world. Experts have determined that flowers are not weeds but some weeds are flowers. I know confusing. Maybe the next time you call the city inspector to complain about my dangerous and unsightly garden, he can explain to you what purpose f-l-o-w-e-r-s serve in a garden. He probably can't be trusted since he did thank me for planting f-l-o-w-e-r-s that help the bees. Who wants those pesky pests in our gardens!

I’m sorry my lawn doesn’t look like perfect green concrete. I decided not to use poisonous sprays so the frogs, bird, bees, dogs, cats, kids and other small creatures could live. I know – it’s easier to keep your lawn neat when they are all dead. I appreciate that you have the time to trim your lawn with nail scissors and measure the circumference of each tree growing in your yard. Tree sculpting is a true art. I just like my trees a bit more natural and only have nail clippers at my house that I use on my days off. I won’t even discuss how I throw my nail clippings into my compost bin.

Is it too late for some live and let live? I’ve never complained about your boring lawn taking up space in my front window. I’ve never turned the authorities onto you while listening to your little dog bark over and over and over until he pukes. His stamina is amazing – you think three times a day would be enough to tucker the little guy out. It’s like he’s channelling the energizer bunny ‘cause he just keeps going and going and going. Maybe he just needs to get outside from your fenced backyard and take a dump without someone screaming at him about ruining the lawn and then spraying Lysol at him. Ah never mind – it's just another one of my whacko suggestions!

I know from your side of the street my dogs look out of control when they lie sleeping on my bumpy lawn or roll around in the clover. It’s just that they are trained to never set foot on your grass. (You’re welcome.) My cat sleeping in the hydrangea bush is also suspect. You never know when he may leap up and tear out your eye – if he can get up that high. I also apologize for those damn birds as well. I think one of their feathers may have blown onto your yard.

I’ll try to encourage the geraniums and peony bush to grow higher in order to cover up the weathered barrel I use to collect rainwater. I know – the more civilized solution is to just use the local water supply even when there is a neighbourhood alert. Maybe you could suggest a toxic chemical to put on my flowers make them grow higher?? Actually, it’s probably easier to just rip every living thing out of my yard so I only have to water the grass. Can you recommend an air conditioning company? Once the house is no longer shaded by those messy trees I’ll need a unit. I like the sound yours makes – it’s like having my own local factory right outside my bedroom. Hey – I hadn’t thought of this before – once I have to keep all my doors and windows shut for my air conditioning I won’t hear yours. I can listen to my own!!!!

One of these days I will get around to watering my driveway in the noonday heat. It’s such a challenge to control the dirt on your driveway. It’s like it’s outside or something crazy like that. I’ve started a savings fund to have someone come and pour more hot tar on the driveway so it can become smoother and blacker to absorb more summertime heat. Maybe that will keep those pesky butterfly attracting flowers from growing alongside my house.

Why can’t Mother Nature just get her act together and be a bit neater?? Maybe you can teach her a thing or two about how to keep anything from growing.

Yours truly,
Your “damn hippie” neighbour

p.s.: I won’t mind if you nip across to grab a few leaves of the Swiss Chard or Kale growing on my front yard. I hear both help chronic inflammation of the asshole and brain impairment.

p.p.s. I saw one of the other neighbourhood dogs pee on your lawn. That uncaring bitch didn’t even clean it up! I’ll send her over a can of Lysol tomorrow so she can disinfect your lawn like your wife does. (You’re welcome!) I’ll may be able to convince her start using it to also clean our garbage bins supplied by the city. I hear the Ebola plague has reached North America!!!!